I've turned into "that guy".
You know "that guy". The guy down the street who always glares at the neighborhood kids playing baseball a little close to his truck. The guy next door who mows half of your lawn and sprays your dandelions with herbicide along with his because he's tired of looking at your mess of a lawn. The guy who tells the punk across the street to pick up the bottle rocket sticks from his front lawn. You all know him, and mostly hate him.
Well, somewhere along the line I have turned into that guy. I don't know when. Maybe it was this spring, when after spending all winter cooped up inside our new house I stepped outside and realized what a crappy neighborhood I bought a house in. Or maybe has just been a slow process, my frustrations from work carrying over into my personal life, turning me into a mean, prematurely "grumpy old man".
Anyway, on Monday - the dumbest day ever to have Halloween, I pulled into my neighborhood after a long, frustrating day at work (around 6:30pm) to find the street looking like the state fair....except everyone was in costume. I've never seen so many kids in my life. They must have bussed them in from the country to trick-o-treat in my neighborhood. Of course, I had no candy - a conscious effort on my part - and my plan was to hide out in the office and bust out a few new website designs. Well, there was some mail and a package on my front step, so I walked out of my garage and around to the front door. As I did this, a whole group of maybe 15 kids (as tall as me, mind you...not little kids) spotted me and started crossing the street in my direction, bags flung open with the intent of me putting candy in.
Now, I don't know if it was the box I was carrying from the front porch or what, but they thought I had candy for them. I swear to you, it looked like Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video - when all the zombies are walking down the street, arms outstretched as if to say "BRAINSSSS, BRAAAIINNSSSS! ERRRRR!".
So what did I do? What any self respecting grumpy old man would do. I stopped...waited for them to get within earshot and said "No one's home there", pointing at the front door of my own house. Then I walked into the garage and closed the door.
Yeah, I know. I told them no one was home, then I walked into the garage and closed the door. What kind of a person would do that? Well, I guess I would. I even surprised myself. The words just flowed from my mouth - like they were coming from somewhere else. Maybe, on Halloween, I have the ability to channel a long lost grumpy relative or something. You know, I am half Irish and half German - a combination that allows me to drink large amounts if I need to, but also the ability to stomach large amounts of sauerkraut and corned beef - and also to have what I like to call an "angry sense of humor".
Yep, I'm not proud of the fact. I might even try to change my grumpy old man demeanor around the neighborhood, but I fear that it may be to late. I'll forever be known by those kids as "they guy who told us no one was home, then walked into his own garage and closed the door."
Well, somewhere along the line I have turned into that guy. I don't know when. Maybe it was this spring, when after spending all winter cooped up inside our new house I stepped outside and realized what a crappy neighborhood I bought a house in. Or maybe has just been a slow process, my frustrations from work carrying over into my personal life, turning me into a mean, prematurely "grumpy old man".
Anyway, on Monday - the dumbest day ever to have Halloween, I pulled into my neighborhood after a long, frustrating day at work (around 6:30pm) to find the street looking like the state fair....except everyone was in costume. I've never seen so many kids in my life. They must have bussed them in from the country to trick-o-treat in my neighborhood. Of course, I had no candy - a conscious effort on my part - and my plan was to hide out in the office and bust out a few new website designs. Well, there was some mail and a package on my front step, so I walked out of my garage and around to the front door. As I did this, a whole group of maybe 15 kids (as tall as me, mind you...not little kids) spotted me and started crossing the street in my direction, bags flung open with the intent of me putting candy in.
Now, I don't know if it was the box I was carrying from the front porch or what, but they thought I had candy for them. I swear to you, it looked like Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video - when all the zombies are walking down the street, arms outstretched as if to say "BRAINSSSS, BRAAAIINNSSSS! ERRRRR!".
So what did I do? What any self respecting grumpy old man would do. I stopped...waited for them to get within earshot and said "No one's home there", pointing at the front door of my own house. Then I walked into the garage and closed the door.
Yeah, I know. I told them no one was home, then I walked into the garage and closed the door. What kind of a person would do that? Well, I guess I would. I even surprised myself. The words just flowed from my mouth - like they were coming from somewhere else. Maybe, on Halloween, I have the ability to channel a long lost grumpy relative or something. You know, I am half Irish and half German - a combination that allows me to drink large amounts if I need to, but also the ability to stomach large amounts of sauerkraut and corned beef - and also to have what I like to call an "angry sense of humor".
Yep, I'm not proud of the fact. I might even try to change my grumpy old man demeanor around the neighborhood, but I fear that it may be to late. I'll forever be known by those kids as "they guy who told us no one was home, then walked into his own garage and closed the door."
posted by MadFlyTom at 11:12 AM
4 Comments:
I am surprised at you!!!!!! Are you becomin like a relative we know "E" LOL
This one really made me laugh. We didn't have any kids on our street so luckily we didn't have to worry about anything. I am a little surprised with the no one's home and garage incident and the kids being as tall as you that there weren't any eggs remains left on the property. Good job!
Man did I get a belly laugh from that one !! Good job and quick thinking.. Glad they didn't have any eggs or toliet paper in their hands !
It's really not your fault, you see, living in a garage WILL make one grumpy. You should have told them, "Get away or I will slit your bag, and stick your leg through it" Trick or Treat bag of course.
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